but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
