I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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