I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
