why didn't you poke me back
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
