I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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