What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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