so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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