My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
