my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
