I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
