I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
