he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
