god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
