She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
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Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
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The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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