I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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