she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
