Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
