just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
