What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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