Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
