i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
