you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize