yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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