He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
