i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
