i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
