So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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