i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
