I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
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GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
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I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
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