Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
