When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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