Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
