You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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