I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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