Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
4 words: hood of his car
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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