I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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