i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
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if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
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Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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