I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
