She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
