I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
