I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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