I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
