His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
