my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
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I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
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We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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