happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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