she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
