Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
