Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
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I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
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On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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