My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
