Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
