YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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