does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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