Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
