I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
