mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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