I'm going to jail i love you
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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