Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Semen is not good for contacts.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
