is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
