Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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