Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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