where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
