Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
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I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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