On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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