it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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