hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
