I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
