I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
