The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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