Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
