R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
