Don't make out with my wife yet
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
