I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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