when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
