It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
