where does the pee come out of this thing
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
