alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
