Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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