just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
