Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
not ubering you a puppy
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
