hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you inspire me to be a worse person
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
